


You've Got a Lot of Nerve

by gryffoned



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Original Character(s), Phanfiction, no actual explicit smut :/, sex mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2015-06-05
Packaged: 2018-04-02 23:38:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4078228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gryffoned/pseuds/gryffoned
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two men are forced to spend a day with each other by bet at the hand of a tipsy person aka the time of which Phil is extremely provocative and Dan blushes a lot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You've Got a Lot of Nerve

"First person to down this concoction," Travis said, raising a glass of a scarily frothy and murky liquid, a glint in his eye like fireworks that sound like gunshots. "Gets to spend a whole day with me."

Travis: someone Dan discovered to be a pretentious asshole with a main dish of general cheekiness and a side dish of a lot of sex. And Dan’s fine with it, you know, do what you want, because Travis was actually the one to sneakily teach him how to stay safe and abide by nothing unless absolute consent, and by that point Dan had heard enough to be sure that Travis was fine.

In all reality, Dan couldn’t blame him. According to the other humans at the party, he's got the body (and sex drive) of a Greek god, and of course, being the horny, drunk people in their 20's, this was great news, and apparently news to be worthy of being a prize. Travis could be as much of a dick as he wanted; no one would care.

Somehow along the way this man had become one of Dan's friends, invited him to this party-turning-into-orgy, then ditched Dan in a corner at the mercy of his phone. However at this particular moment, the crowd thickened around the kitchen island of which Travis squatted, still holding up the drink as people opened their eyes wide and peered curiously, and Dan watched, amused.

To Dan, who hadn't consumed enough alcohol to be considered drunk, they all looked like dogs, viewing a new toy with a mixture of confusion and wonder. Maybe they'd poke it a few times, but they wouldn't approach it full on. Or, at least dogs were smart enough to know that, Dan decided after two people both went for it at once and collided heads.

"Don't tell me no one wants to spend a day with me," Travis moaned. "I feel personally offended."

At this moment a man with bright pink hair crept onto the counter behind him, pulling the glass from between Travis's fingers and downing it in one go.

Travis smiled and the man with bright pink hair jerked from the aftertaste.

"Did you enjoy that?" Travis questioned innocently, and the man laughed as a response.

“Am I the winner?” The man coughed, crouching closer.

This was a mistake, but Dan couldn’t help the bray of laughter that sprouted from his lips, which led to making eye contact with the ringleader himself. When that glint returned to Travis's eyes, Dan knew he was fucked.

"Mm, I've got a better idea," Travis snickered, pushing the man currently nosing his neck away a few inches, then motioning for Dan to come over. "How about... a day with Dan?”

That finger that pointed to Dan from the other side of the room felt like a death sentence, and his butt rooted to the floor as his face froze in shock. Travis parted a path through the people, jumping from the counter and walking towards him, the initiator of the Armageddon, and Dan's body betrayed him as he was led towards the counter, and stood blank faced beside it.

The man with pink hair pursed his lips, disappointed. The emotions on his face showed the progression of his inspiration, and soon another man was pulled over with the same shocked expression.

"I'm just helping you out, mate," Travis whispered to him, quite cockily, Dan was disappointed to discover. "When was the last time you were laid? He's not all that bad looking at all either."

Dan flushed, looking him up and down, and he could only gulp. Evidently, the other man was doing the same, seeing the other's blue eyes dimmed by the lack of light scanning Dan's body as well. And Dan's lips were slightly parted, his throat dry and scratchy, still watching the way the other man’s body built itself on from the floor upwards. Dan met the eyes of this man one more time, eyes of uncertainty and a certain “whatever you say” kind of shrug--

then turned on his heel and left the party.

~

Phil.

That was his name.

His hangover raged when he headed downstairs, his hand unsteady on the handrail as he squinted at the text messages Travis bombarded him with from the time Dan had left. He hadn’t drunken all that much at the party, which is true, however, he discovered that he had made a small Tupperware full of vodka gummy bears he had forgotten to bring to the party, so Dan had put on Dead Poets Society and cried into an empty container at three AM.

Almost nine hours later still in bed Dan finally thought if he didn’t get up to pee he’d be rolling around in his own urine soon.

Phil.

That was his name.

And from what Dan could understand of the rest of the texts, Travis would be personally making sure that Dan and Phil had their day together. How? Dan had no idea. But leave it to him to find a way to complicate Dan’s life further.

Dan put his phone on Do Not Disturb, massaging his temples and working to make an edible breakfast.

~

Phil didn’t come tomorrow, or the day after that. Not a peep from Travis even, and Dan had just about forgotten Phil’s face until one fateful day almost a month after the party, a knock rang on his door. Being a decent human being, acknowledging it was raining, Dan hurried to open the door, and his face exhibited a prime example of being surprised beyond words.

“Hi,” Phil mumbled, his hands shoved into the pockets in his jacket, black fringe curling slightly at the ends from the dampish weather. “Can I come in?”

Dan snapped from his reverie, stepping aside and gesturing into the hallway. “Yeah, sure.”

Dan’s mind never really stopped being hazy after that, watching as Phil strode almost confidently into his home, shedding his coat and hanging it on a barren wall hanger, his shoulder blades jutting from his slightly drenched shirt; yes, the view was great and Phil’s figure was stunning, but it was more of the way Phil looked so different from that night at the party. Viewed from undistorted lenses. He looked, in proper light, like someone Dan might want to know.

“So?” He finally spoke, and Phil turned around abruptly, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Did you know Travis happens to live right underneath my flat?” Phil stated, looking around Dan’s apartment as to drink in the atmosphere. “I saw him in the elevator once and then he refused to leave me alone for three days after that.”

Phil walked farther into Dan’s apartment, and Dan followed, as if Phil was the one showing Dan his flat instead of the other way around. To Dan, the whole situation was odd enough he didn’t question any of it.

“And then after the three days were up, I kicked him out the fourth because I needed to head to an interview, so his schedule turned to every other day,” Phil continued. He looked at Dan, who just shrugged in response, as that was such a Travis thing to do, and there was nothing Dan could’ve done to stop it. “He was really set on me having that day with you.”

Phil looked away and peered in every room in the hallway, looking for the lounge. He walked in, Dan still following him, then pointedly looked at the couch as if a “may I?” of which Dan nodded. The blue eyed man sat down with a little huff of breath.

“And he kept asking the same questions, your favorite shirt, your favorite color, even as a bonus how you moaned,” Phil kept rambling, and Dan flushed red. Phil winked. “He said he would pay me fifty pounds if I told him.”

Dan looked to the ceiling, sighing agonizingly. He was taunting him! Phil was taunting him now, purposely trying to embarrass him. The nerve of him. Dan hurried over to set up the fireplace, something for his hands to do whilst hiding his reddening face. But then again, it was kind of intriguing.

“In fact,” Phil said. “He’s been asking so many questions to somehow make sure I spent a day with you, I wrote them down on my phone. Should I read them to you? Then you can answer them and that would do us both big favors.”

“Yeah, sure,” Dan agreed, sitting on the floor. Phil tapped away on his phone, pulling up the memo.

“Question one: favorite color?”

“Gold.”

“That’s interesting, I would’ve never thought of that as a color. Mine’s blue. As they do. What’s your favorite band?”

“I don’t know. There’s way too many, BUT I can tell you that for a very long period of time Muse was by far my favorite.”

“As I do. What I mean is, same. Oh this next one I know. Sexuality? Bisexual.” Phil said, looking at Dan, who was alarmed to say the least.

“Like me,” Phil added.

“Wait wait wait,” Dan shook his head, a preemptive look on his face. “How’d you know?”

This time it was Phil who shrunk back into himself.

“I guessed? Um, I guessed and Travis confirmed it,” Phil chuckled uncomfortably as he continued to ramble. “I mean, if you really looked it was quite obvious, like at the party after you’ve downed a few drinks you were checking out Emily for quite a while, but then she left and you latched onto Colten, and um.”

By this point, Dan was dumbfounded, sitting there without any sense of purpose. “So… you were checking me out?”

Phil blushed an even more solid red than Dan. “No! No I wasn’t—I wasn’t checking anyone out. I was just—I was just observing you.”

“Like a lab rat.”

“Yeah like a—no! No not like a lab rat,” Phil mumbled. “I’m never going to fix this.”

“No, you’re really never.”

“I’ll shut up.”

They sat in silence as Dan pretended to text someone on his phone and Phil fixed his hair, both with faces sustaining roseate.

“Did you plan on staying here an entire day?” Dan spoke. Phil widened his eyes.

“Oh my god, did you have to do something, I’m so sorry,” Phil responded. “That was kind of silly to just assume—“

“I don’t have anything in particular to do today, you’re fine, and it’s okay.”

“So can I maybe stay here?” Phil asked sheepishly. “My neighbor’s cat likes to visit my apartment through the broken window and wee all over my floor, and quite frankly, I don’t think I’m emotionally ready for that yet today.”

Dan laughed, throwing his body back a bit as his center of balance shifted. When he steadied again, Phil’s eyes were positively shining. “Okay, okay. You can stay. But just as an aside, cat piss stinks when it’s dried especially.”

“You say that like you’ve had experience.”

“Well I’ve yet to meet an animal whose pee smells like fucking daffodils, Phil.”

“Touché.” 

“Well,” Dan heaved as he stood up. His wiggled his trousers up a bit and started to head out of the lounge. “I thought I’d just bring my laptop in here and browse the interwebs. You need anything?”

Phil looked around him. “I think a charger would be cool.”

Dan nodded, and then exited the room. He went to collect his laptop first, head spinning as he put his hand on his laptop. Fuck, why was it so cold? Or rather: Dan’s skin was on fire. Suddenly he became well too aware of the dampness around his collar, and how his face seemed to radiate heat. Was he nervous? Why would he nervous?

(The answer was obvious)

(Not that Dan would like to admit it)

He left his laptop in his room and doused his face in water, patting it dry and heading into the kitchen, popping open a new bottle of wine and pouring himself a glass. He sipped at it cautiously, eyeing the cabinet across him as he leaned against the counter.

But his brain refused to think articulately.

So he poured more wine into another glass, added a bit more to replenish what he’d already consumed, tucked the opened bottle under his arm and walked back into the lounge, setting all of it onto the side table.

“You know what would make this even better?” Dan explained. “Wine.”

As promptly, he went to go collect what he originally went to collect, plugging the charger into an electric socket, and finally settling down on the sofa, sighing. He pulled his laptop onto his lap, and commenced his journey, wine in hand.

“Mm,” Phil expressed, licking his lips as he tasted the drink. “Wow this is good. It’s sweeter than I expected.”

“Fortified Muscat,” Dan responded.

Phil nodded appreciatively. “Nice.”

Dan glanced to him, noticing his pause. “Are you lightweight?”

Phil chuckled. “Moderately. I think I could take two glasses. I’ll just finish this one off and it’ll be it.”

“I’m the same.”

The two sat, gradually descending into silence again, and there at the bottom they remained as they finished the last drop in their respective glasses. Both their faces were tinged red now, not unlike the way they were before, just of different reason. And the air of the room buzzed delightfully with static energy.

The sounds of traffic dimmed and rose as the sun rode the western wind across the sky.

“You only have one dimple, Dan,” Phil observed, and Dan turned his head to see Phil, head settled almost dreamily on his hands as his body laid stomach down along the entire sofa.

“I do,” Dan affirmed. “Sometimes the other one decides to say hello too, but usually this one’s alone.”

“Aw,” Phil huffed. “You’ve also got really nice eyes.”

“What, glaring down at my computer screen. Nah, Phil you’re one to say. You’re eyes are like the windows default background, you know the one of the hill, condensed into one iris. It’s magnetizing.”

“Two irises. I’ve got two eyes,” Phil said. “Does that mean each eye is only half the brilliance of the windows default background?”

“Maybe a background for each eye then.”

Phil shook his head, grinning. “Such a charmer.”

“That’s me,” Dan responded absentmindedly. Phil continued to stare at Dan, his head sitting on the palm of his hand.

“You’re also incredibly unobservant,” Phil said. “I took a nap for three hours and you didn’t even notice.”

“That was not three,” Dan exclaimed, scrunching his nose, and then dropping his jaw as he squinted at the time. “That was three hours.”

“I wanna do something really out of place right now,” Phil said, moving on just as quickly.

“I don’t do alcohol-influenced sex,” Dan immediately replied, and Phil stuck out his bottom lip.

“Then is this the time you kick me out of your apartment?” Phil asked, disappointed.

Dan scoffed. “Phil, if you want to stay the night just say so, I’ll let you sleep on the sofa bed.”

“Okay, I do.” Phil hummed, he scooted himself so he was on his back lying on the sofa instead of his stomach. “But buzzed sex is even better.”

Dan smiled to himself, not moving his gaze from his computer screen as he jokingly shushed Phil.

“When do you usually sleep?” Phil asked.

“Quite late.”

“Oh,” Phil yawned. “If you don’t mind I’d like to sleep now.”

“You just said you napped!”

“I had my eyes closed for three hours,” Phil pouted. “But then you laughed at something and I stayed awake in case you did it again.”

“So I am really a lab rat,” Dan mumbled.

“No, you’re not,” Phil assured. “But I am actually tired.”

Dan rolled his eyes, but smiled in Phil’s direction, seeing the black hair at the top of Phil’s head draped carelessly over his closed eyes, his fidgeting arms crossed over his chest that rose up and down with his breathing. “Alright, I’ll pull out the sofa bed. Come on, off, do you want to sleep or not?”

“But I’m so comfy.”

“I’m not. Get off,” Dan urged, trying to nudge Phil onto the floor. Phil took a deep breath, uncrossing his arms and arching his back in a stretch, accidentally brushing his nose upon Dan’s neck and taking in his scent.

“Mm,” Phil groaned. “You smell so warm.”

Dan sucked in a violent breath, jerking back upright as his hand flew to cover the spot Phil had touched. The small patch of skin still tingled no matter how hard Dan’s hand pressed against his neck, and jolts of adrenaline ran through his body.

“I, um, Phil do you s-still want the sofa bed or are you okay?” Dan stuttered.

Phil shuffled around again until he was on his side. “Yeah, I’m okay. Do you have a blanket perhaps? A pillow? I like to cuddle things in my sleep”—his eyes opened—“preferably human things.”

“And you’re tipsy,” Dan mumbled to himself, running a hand through his hair. Hurriedly, he fetched the blanket and pillow and he threw them on top of the dozing body, clicking the door shut behind him and rushing to his room, his mind a motorbike at 3 AM on an empty freeway.

To all of which matters, Dan was a hopeless romantic.

That’s why he fell asleep smiling.

~

“Good morning,” Phil said, towering over Dan’s sleeping form, and Dan experimentally opened one eye before leaping back against the headboard away from what gave him a scare.

“Fucking hell, Phil! What the fuck are you doing?” Dan yelped, rubbing the back of his head.

“You don’t sleep with a shirt on?” Phil asked calmly, still composed after Dan’s outburst.

“Among other things,” Dan blushed, grabbing at the blanket and covering his nakedness. “Why are you here?”

“Hot,” Phil smirked. “You looked like a slug.”

“I looked like a slug.”

“Yeah, and I did the noble thing of waking it up,” Phil said, getting up from his knees and walking away from the side of the bed. “Where’s your coffee? Headache stuff if you have any too.”

“Uh, in the kitchen, coffee’s on the counter, the headache stuff in the cupboard three-e doors from the right,” Dan scrunched up his eyes as he tried to recall.

“Thanks,” Phil said, and he left the room.

Dan fell back flabbergasted.

And Phil made him a cup of coffee too, which was nice of him, if he didn’t return in such quick time Dan hadn’t been able to put on a shirt yet. So Dan kept awkwardly covering himself up as Phil sat on the edge of his bed, both sipping at their still-too-hot coffee.

“I couldn’t find the headache stuff,” Phil said, and Dan grumbled. Honestly he could’ve sworn it was there from that night’s party.

“Do you do this to all the hosts that let you into their house?” Dan asked, groaning minimally.

“What?”

“Something like walking into their room unannounced and asking for coffee?”

“Only to those I find attractive,” Phil said. “That being, I think I’ve only ever done this once, and I’m doing it right now.”

Dan clenched his jaw as his face felt as if he’d stuck it in an oven. He turned so his back faced Phil, and he only heard the occasional slurp of Phil’s coffee as he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to ignore this odd man.

“How do you moan anyway?” Phil questioned, and Dan wasn’t sure if it was to himself Phil was talking to or not.

“Excuse me?” Dan whispered.

“How do you moan anyway?” Phil repeated.

“I’m not…no!” Dan exclaimed. “I’m not—why?”

“Can you blame me for wanting fifty easy pounds?” Phil said, and Dan pretended to not see the small half-wink Phil added at the end. “Come on, tell me, and you can get half of it.”

Dan eyes were widened and his jaw slack and he flipped himself over, pulling the blanket over his head, letting out a loud, unnecessary groan at Phil’s rude question, and hearing Phil snicker above him. He stopped once he ran out of breath, but he didn’t reveal his head to fresh air.

“I’m very loud,” Dan muffled into his blanket.

“Sorry, what was that?” Phil asked, not at all fazed. The nerve of this guy.

“I’m a screamer,” Dan repeated and Phil laughed. “It’s loud and there’s a lot of ‘em, up until I orgasm and then I go silent.”

Phil was quiet, and Dan got worried. He stuck his head out of his little burrito to see Phil staring at him intently.

“I’d like to see that,” Phil said softly, and like the how many other times Dan had flushed from the moment Phil visited, he did so again.

“You know what,” Phil said, a bit bolder. “I still have a headache. And according to medical people, actually, do you know what cures headaches?”

“Okay! That’s it!” Dan yelled as he burst from his cocoon, tackling Phil onto the bed and pinning his shoulders to the mattress, all the while thinking how lucky he was Phil had already set down the ceramic cup. “You—are unbelievable.”

Dan’s face was red. Red like the light of dawn, as the sun claims the lands with its bloodlike beams. A brief moment of panic washed over Phil’s face, and the worry etched itself into the crinkles by his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Phil murmured, submitting into Dan’s power strike. “I was out of line, I admit. If you say to stop, right now, I’ll stop, I’ll leave you alone. Do you want me to stop?”

And Dan’s jaw dropped and his hands clutched softer, sitting back a little as he looked back and forth between Phil’s two eyes, as if he could decide from there.

But he only decided that this Phil person had a lot more to him than just being a cock. Just a moment ago he was so obnoxiously asking Dan about how he moaned, of all things, and now, Mr. I-Could-Be-King is underneath him, eyes glistening with concern, and—

The nerve of him indeed.

“I…” Dan said. “No”—his eyes fiercer, his hands tighter again—“I don’t want to stop.”

The smirk returned on Phil’s face, the same mischievous shine in his eyes, and he mumbled “good” before trying to clash their mouths together. Dan slipped a finger between them and pressed it against Phil’s lips before he could get too far, however.

“No kissing,” Dan said, leaning in close, his lips brushing against Phil’s nose. “I don’t want you going and falling in love with me.”

“You,” Phil puffed, “are so odd.”

And Phil grabbed Dan by the forearms, flipping them both over and Phil went to work mouthing at Dan’s chest on top of him. “I’ll kiss everywhere else then.”

Dan eyed Phil’s head when he did this, every so often twitching from the small scratches Phil’s teeth left on his skin.

“You’re one to talk,” Dan mumbled. “You’re so odd, somehow you’ve wound up in my bed and I don’t think you’re very odd.”

~

It wasn’t long before the strings between them tangled, knotting tighter as their hands wandered and clothing was shed. It was like summer, with the sweat slicking their skin and their temperature delightfully humid in Dan’s bedroom. Chills ran up and down Dan’s back as Phil explored him so, with an odd twinkle in his eye of what was perceived as laughter, and Dan couldn’t help but smile up until the point his breath was loose and unmanageable.

Then, slowly, the knots tore themselves through, snapping one by one and sending jolts of adrenaline through Dan’s veins. Phil convulsed above him as he unraveled, his hand lazily pumping Dan so the other did the same.

Their eyes met in matching euphoria, glazed over with a layer of liquid that magnified their irises. Dan cracked a smile and Phil did too, their breath still labored from their high. Phil collapsed beside Dan and tangled their hands. All strings have been detached; all but one. And with that one string the both of them cuddled up into each other’s arms after they hastily wiped themselves down with tissues, and with that one string Dan set his cheek against Phil’s chest and synced his breathing to go in time with Phil’s so they just work.

“I get twenty five pounds,” Dan mumbled as they drifted off to sleep.

“Wha—you are so…literally right after,” Phil stammered. “That’s not fair. I did most of the work.”

“Bleh blah bleh I did most of the work,” Dan taunted. “I still get twen’y five.”

“You are intolerable,” Phil replied. “I’m medically diagnosing you as a dick.”

“Come on, that’s not a real condition and highly unnecessary,” Dan protested.

“Of course it is, it’s for the people who demand more than they worked for,” Phil adamantly said.

“But I deserve it,” Dan said.

“Maybe,” Phil compromised. “Probably not.”

“You want to know who really is a dick?”

“Sure.”

“Travis.”

“Well…if he wasn’t a dick then this wouldn’t have ever happened,” Phil mused. “Do you regret me Dan?”

“Immensely,” Dan replied.

“No you don’t,” Phil said, hugging Dan tighter. “I don’t.”

“Shut up.”

“But that leads somewhere else too, if Travis isn’t a dick then who is the dick?”

“Shut up…you.”

“No, my dick was in you, so that makes me not a dick.”

“Shut up.”

“Thou art the dick, dear friend.”

“Shu—friend? After all that I’m your friend?”

“Depends. Boyfriend? Would you like to be my boyfriend?” Phil asked.

“No. I told you to not go and fall in love with me,” Dan mumbled, faintly blushing once more. Boyfriend, he rolled that word around in his head a bit, enjoying how it sounded. Of course, he wasn’t going to admit it, but such thought made him creep a hand resting at his side to Phil’s chest, drawing circles into flushed skin.

“C’mon, please make an exception.”

“Hm, no,” Dan said, stagnant.

“See Dan, my diagnosis was correct, you are a dick,” Phil murmured. “Look how dickish you just got.”

“Shut up.”

“Hm, no,” Phil hummed, copying Dan’s reply just moments before.

Dan lifted his cheek from Phil’s chest, his eyes peering at Phil’s jaw before Phil opened his eyes and looked down at him as well.

And with that last string, threads threatening to slip and its strength wavering, Dan leaned in:

kissing him.


End file.
